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TheUrbanTwist.com’s Top 10 Least-Romantic Songs

The worst romantic pick-up lines you could ever use…

Brennen Jones

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February is upon us and love will soon be in the air for all you lovers out there.  With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, TheUrbanTwist.com will be exploring several stories and topics involving love and romance and that led me to thinking about what is the least romantic sounding pick-up lines that someone could ever use.  Then I took that one step further and created a list of songs that actually used them.


Now I’m not saying these songs aren’t any good, because for the most part they all are, or at the very least the songs are catchy.   It’s just that even though the artists perform these songs with a certain swagger and confidence and ability in knowing that these lines will work with the ladies.  In the real world, it’s not going down like that.

Introducing my top 10 Least Romantic Songs, starting with…

10

Akon Feat. Snoop Dogg – “I Wanna F*** You”

[audio:http://theurbantwist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Akon-04-I-Wanna-Fuck-You-ft-Snoop-Dog.mp3|titles=Akon – 04 – I Wanna Fuck You ft Snoop Dog]

When it comes to going after what you want, sometimes it is nice to be direct and get straight to the point. However, when it comes to love and trying to be romantic, I don’t think the third word of this song title is hardly ever used for romance, unless you’re a porn star.  Not to mention what Snoop raps in the first verse…

Grab you by your coat tail take you to the motel, “ho” sale,

don’t tell, won’t tell …

if you pick me then imma pick on you,

d-o-double g and I’m here to put this dick on you.”

Basically he tells the girl that he’s going to kidnap her and take her to a “ho” sale, asks her not to snitch on him because he plans on picking her if she picks him, and then tries to cover it up with some smooth pimp talk that I’m sure he got from The Bishop Magic Juan.  Doesn’t this kind of sound like the plot of “Taken”?

9

Nelly – “It’s Getting Hot in Here”

[audio:http://theurbantwist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Nelly_-_Its_getting_hot_in_here_1__1_.mp3]

This song contains the least persuasive argument for female disrobement ever…and it worked because it was catchy.   I see the logic behind it’s getting so hot that she’d have to take her clothes off but even Jessica Simpson or Paris Hilton would’ve found an alternative to Nelly’s solution to the heat such as central air conditioning or maybe taking a dip in the pool.

8

James Brown – “Hot (I Need to be Loved, Loved, Loved)”

[audio:http://theurbantwist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/02-hot-i-need-to-be-loved-loved-loved-re-edit.mp3|titles=02 hot (i need to be loved loved loved) (re-edit)]

And staying on the “hot” theme, the King of Soul isn’t exempt from this list.  This song is downright scary.  In the first few lines of the song, James describes how he just woke up sweaty and that he’s in a need for love all while saying, well actually screaming and grunting that he needs to be loved.  I guess nothing can make a woman get all hot and bothered than an image of James Brown waking up sweaty from some nightmare he was apparently having, ready to get it on.

7

Wyclef – “Gone Til’ November”

[audio:http://theurbantwist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Gone_Til_November.mp3|titles=Gone_Til’_November]

When you love someone, you want to see as much of the person as possible.  So telling someone that you’ll be gone til’ November is not a good way to start the relationship.

6

Tupac – “I Get Around”

[audio:http://theurbantwist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/2Pac_-_I_Get_Around.mp3|titles=2Pac_-_I_Get_Around]

Again, being upfront with the person your persuing can be helpful.  But this song does not help to illustrate one of those times.  Yes, it may be commendable for Tupac to let the girl know up front that he’s a player.  But let’s face it, there’s nothing romantic about letting a girl know that she’s about to get played.

5

The Isley Brothers Feat. R. Kelly – Contagious

[audio:http://theurbantwist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Contagious.mp3|titles=Contagious]

This past year was the year of the Swine Flu, so what woman in her right mind would want to keep getting reminded that her and her love is like a virus.  Viruses cause harm, if not kill, people!  And there’s nothing romantic about that.

4

50 Cent – “Have a Baby By Me”

[audio:http://theurbantwist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/13-50_cent-baby_by_me_feat_ne-yo.mp3|titles=50 Cent Feat. Ne-Yo – Baby By Me]

There’s nothing romantic about enticing someone to sleep with you by claiming she’ll be a millionaire if you somehow impregnate her.  But if a woman can somehow get past her conscious in being able to do the deed, how can a she turn this offer down?  All she has to do is have a baby with Fiddy then she’ll become an instant Millionaire and be set for life from all the assumed child support payments that Fiddy will be making for at least the next 18 years.  Sounds too good to be true?

That’s because it is!  All you have to do is turn to Fiddy’s one and only baby momma to see that.  This cat burned down her house.  I repeat, he burned down her house!  With her still inside!  Enough said.  This song is all lies!

3

Kid Cudi – “I Poke Her Face”

[audio:http://theurbantwist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/01_I_Poke_Her_Face.mp3|titles=01_I_Poke_Her_Face]

The title is self-explanatory.  Kid Cudi actually changed the name of the song to a more radio-friendly sounding title, “Make Her Say”, for obvious reasons.  There’s nothing romantic about claiming you want to poke the face of your date in on the first night…unless your date was Karrine Steffans.

2

Young Money – “Every Girl”

[audio:http://theurbantwist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Every_Girl.mp3|titles=Every_Girl]

They say honesty can go a long way.  And women dig that.  So in a way, I can kind of see why so many ladies love Lil’ Wayne.  Lil’ Wayne is one honest dude.  Probably one of the most honest dudes in America.  I mean he pretty much lays it all out in this one song of how he wants to “F*** every girl in the world” and he damn near is almost half way there.  It seems like every 2 months a new Lil Weezy is born, sometimes 2 at a time from two different women.  You gotta love someone who has dreams and goals in life.  But still, there’s nothing romantic about having your lady fighting your other ladies over quality time.  And with the numbers that Wayne’s been pulling, things could get ugly in a hurry.

1

R. Kelly – “You Remind Me of Something”

[audio:http://theurbantwist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/R._Kelly_-_You_Remind_Me_Of_My_Jeep.mp3|titles=R._Kelly_-_You_Remind_Me_Of_My_Jeep]

And the king is here!  Mr. Robert Kelly has a slew of songs that could’ve made this list such as “Down Low“, “Half on a Baby“, “Feelin on Yo Booty“, and the list goes on and on.  But I had to go with this joint right here because as smooth as an artist R. Kelly is, this line wouldn’t get him no play.  You telling a woman that she reminds you of “something” is not a good thing.  Not to mention that with Flavor Flav’s help, this woman here has forever been linked to the word “something”…unfortunately.  There’s nothing romantic about that.

Then R. Kelly took things a bit further by saying the girl reminds him of his jeep, his sounds, and his bank account.  Not the most flattering of things to be compared to.  But hey, I guess it could be worst, I guess he could’ve compared her to this.

Don’t agree with the list or want to add a few songs of your own?  Sound off below!

Brennen Jones is the leading founder and publisher of TheUrbanTwist.com, a leading entertainment and media blog. He is also the founder of P.S. Web Pros, which is a web design and internet marketing company. He’s also TheUrbanTwist.com’s resident filmmaker and has produced and directed several short films under his Kitt HoRizon Films imprint and he’s produced and have worked on video productions and commercials for various government agencies. He plans to turn The Urban Twist into a media haven so stay tuned. Brennen currently lives in Baltimore, MD. So be my friend on Facebook and Follow me on Twitter!

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