The Most Hated

The Hate List! by Bryan Stewart

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One of the many things in life that I hate, is my high efficient way of procrastinating.  I have mastered the art of procrastinating along with the science of it.  I remember someone telling me, “why put off something for tomorrow, when u can get it done today”. I hate that bastard for making me remember that, and making me feel bad every time I procrastinating.  I have come to the realization that procrastination is like masturbation… You only screw yourself, then afterwards you feel alone and empty on the inside and when you really sit back and look at the situation after you have procrastinated or masturbated, you still have a mess to clean up.  Here is the Hate List! One week late.

1.  I Hate the idea of a threesome.  Inviting a female into the equation of me and my hand really makes things longwinded.

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2. I Hate the older woman who would not stop hitting on me at Taco Bell.  She would say, ” you little younging, if you mess with me I will put it on you”. Disgusted by her words and her elderly appearance, I politely told her, “I am sorry Ms. I prefer the company of men”.  She look at me one more time, then I just said to her, “beat it sack face”.

3.  I hate the homeless man that scored 5 points against the other day.  The homeless man asked me for money so that he could buy a ski mask. I said, ” what the hell you need a ski mask for to cover up those messed up teeth”. He replied, “Baptize You in Monkey Shit!, you punk ass punk”.

4. I hate when I eat something really hot and it burns the roof of my mouth.

5. Speaking of the roof of my mouth, I hate Cap’n Crunch, Froot Loops, Apple Jacks, and Trix because they tear up the roof of my mouth.

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6. I also hate Fruity Pebbles, because as soon as you pour milk on them, they turn to mush.

7. I hated when my mother use to put her hand in front of me when she slammed on brakes.

8. I hate the gay man that walk up to me and my homeboy and asked us if we were together. When I told him that we were not gay, he apologized then said if you change your mind let know… because you sexy as shit.

9.  I hate that I looked at my homeboy and said, “he thinks I am sexy and you are not”.

10. I hate people that can not pronounce Str words.  Street=Skreet, Straight=Skrate, Straw=Scraw, Stretcher=Skretcher. These are the same people that say Ginger Rail instead of Ginger Ale.
 

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Bryan Stewart
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