Today’s Hate List is created because I am in a loving mood. Some people ask me, “You hate so much stuff what do you love”? Which made me think, “WTF do I love”. Well, I love women that wake up next to me regretting the amount of alcohol they drunk the night before. I love when I do not see a midget. They scare the hell out of me. I love the smell of gasoline. I love when my penis is not cold. The cold air makes it retreat to my body, giving it the appearance of a baby turtle. I love massages, but they make me feel empty and dirty afterwards……until Young Chow cleans me up. I love acts of violence that make sense. Not senseless act of violence. I love creating the Hate List! why because I love hating shit. Here is the HATE LIST!
1. I hate my gorilla knuckle doctor that gave me a prostate exam. I hate that he wanted to talk about the game while he was completing my exam.
2. I hate that my friends took me to a strip club where the strippers had Y chromosomes.
3. I hate that I love Meryl Streep. I hate that I want to wear her skin. I hate the fact that I am a Black man that adores Meryl Streep.
4. I hate the people in the Human Resource Department at the Maryland School for the Blind. They really seem upset when they have to fire you. I hate that I got fired for telling a blind student ,” Look, go over there and watch the damn TV”.
5. I hate that the words Food and Good do not Rhyme. Why is the English Language so complicated. Speaking of the English, I hate the English system of measurement. Metric is so much simpler. Another English F up. The letter W. It says double u, but it looks like double v.
6. I hate that I had to tell my son, “horses like to bite little kid’s heads off” in order from him to stop asking me to get him one for his birthday.
7. I hate when I am driving and the passenger in my car puts their big ass head in the way, as I am checking for on coming traffic. Then they say it’s OK to go. If you do not get your big ass head out the way, I am going to Larry, Curly, and Moe your ass and poke your eyes out.
8. I hate that Saturday Night Live (SNL) has only had three in a half black females on their show. This is very F’d up. I hate that this show has been on for almost four decades and only three in a half black females have been cast members. The half is due in part to the bi-racial cast female. On the other side of that coin they have only had 7 black male cast members. These numbers represent only the blacks that were not extras. This is some bull shit SNL.
9. I hate that my brother is Jewish… Yes a black Jew…. The worlds best kept secret. When he pisses me off, I just call him, “You No Good Jigga!
10. I hate hanging out with my gay cousin. If we are at a bar and Ne Yo’ s ” Closer” comes on, he gets really excited and start dancing and shit. He would be dancing with his palms out and shit. Chest and pelvis thrust and shit. WTF! I just get up and leave before people think that we play Butt Darts together. Butt Darts LOL!