The Most Hated

The Hate List: WTF Do I Love?

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04132010-gorillaknuckles

Today’s Hate List is created because I am in a loving mood.  Some people ask me, “You hate so much stuff what do you love”?  Which made me think, “WTF do I love”.  Well, I love women that wake up next to me regretting the amount of alcohol they drunk the night before. I love when I do not see a midget.  They scare the hell out of me.  I love the smell of gasoline.  I love when my penis is not cold. The cold air makes it retreat to my body, giving it the appearance of a baby turtle.  I love massages, but they make me feel empty and dirty afterwards……until Young Chow cleans me up.  I love acts of violence that make sense. Not senseless act of violence.  I love creating the Hate List! why because I love hating shit.  Here is the HATE LIST!

1. I hate my gorilla knuckle doctor that gave me a prostate exam. I hate that he wanted to talk about the game while he was completing my exam.

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2. I hate that my friends took me to a strip club where the strippers had Y chromosomes.

3. I hate that I love Meryl Streep. I hate that I want to wear her skin. I hate the fact that  I am a Black man that adores Meryl Streep.

4. I hate the people in the Human Resource Department at the Maryland School for the Blind. They really seem upset when they have to fire you.  I hate that I got fired for telling a blind student ,” Look, go over there and watch the damn TV”.

5. I hate that the words Food and Good do not Rhyme. Why is the English Language so complicated. Speaking of the English, I hate the English system of measurement.  Metric is so much simpler.  Another English F up. The letter W. It says double u, but it looks like double v.

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6.  I hate that I had to tell my son, “horses like to bite little kid’s heads off” in order from him to stop asking me to get him one for his birthday.

7. I hate when I am driving and the  passenger in my car puts their big ass head in the way, as I am checking for on coming traffic. Then they say it’s OK to go.  If you do not  get your big ass head out the way, I am going to Larry, Curly, and Moe your ass and poke your eyes out.

8. I hate that Saturday Night Live (SNL) has only had three in a half black females on their show.  This is very F’d up.  I hate that this show has been on for almost four decades and only three in a half black females have been cast members. The half is due in part to the bi-racial cast female.  On the other side of that coin they have only had 7  black male cast members.  These numbers represent only the blacks that were not extras.  This is some bull shit SNL.

9. I hate that my brother is Jewish… Yes a black Jew…. The worlds best kept secret.  When he pisses me off, I just call him, “You No Good Jigga!

10. I hate hanging out with my gay cousin.  If we are at a bar and Ne Yo’ s ” Closer” comes on, he gets really excited and start dancing and shit.  He would be dancing with his palms out and shit.  Chest and pelvis thrust and shit. WTF!  I just get up and leave before people think that we play Butt Darts together.  Butt Darts LOL!

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Bryan Stewart
Bryan Stewart is...

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