Today’s Hate List is the product of one of the most underrated character flaws, stupidity. Stupidity is something that can never be underestimated or ignored. It can never be given the benefit of doubt. I hate stupid people. I think they are worthless pieces of shit. Being stupid takes no effort; it is the result of natural and unnatural laziness. We as a society have become stupid ass people. Our own vain perception of who we are has held us back from waking up and allowing the sleeping giant to hibernate. We kill each other, we bear witness to our children becoming more stupid by the minute. We will die stupid if we do not get Kenan Thompson off the air. I hate Kenan Thompson from SNL. I hate that he is the new age Jiggaboo negro. I hate that he emasculates himself every time they have him dress up like a women. Let’s stop this Jiggabooism shit. Here is The Hate List!
1. I hate using someone’s cellphone. I have not idea where their phone has been. Let’s think about it. How many times have your homeboy showed you pictures of naked strippers or females? Now think about how close he was when he took the picture. How many times have you sat on the toilet with your cellphone. Now think about how many other people do the same damn thing. Finally, how many time do you masturbate a day. Now think about….maybe that question was a little much.
2. I hate the people at Subway who put out a tip cup..Hold up I am suppose to tip you for doing what you are suppose to do which is TAKE MY F’ ING ORDER! Baptize you in monkey shit.
3. I hate being over my gay cousin’s house when he was getting dressed for a date. I hate that he stood in front of the mirror for hours like Vanity F’ing Smurf. I hate that he asked me ” hey Bryan how do I look?” I hate that my response was ” you look like a dude that is going to have a penis in his mouth by the end of the night”.
4. I hate that I just broke up with my girlfriend. I hate that my best friend asked me, ” I don’t mean any disrespect but now that you guys are not together and the fact that you have expressed how much you hate her, what is the statue of limitation on me F’ ing her?
5. I hate how absent minded I was when I forgot to send an email at the appropriate time. I hate that I was out of town when it needed to be sent. I hate that I had use my homeboy’s laptop. I hate the pubic hair that was on the keyboard when I opened it.
6. I hate that I feel a little left out when I am listening to a Floetry song. Because it sure as hell sounds like they are singing to each other.
7. I hate my homeboy Sammy. You guys know Sammy. The African guy at 7-11 who has the worst pick-up lines ever. I was in the store the other day and a fine ass women walked in. I said hello in my sexy Bryan voice; she smiled. Sammy on the other hand told her, “God Bless the nut sack from which one has came”. She laughed and proceeded to talk to Sammy. W!T!F! Break down Sammy’s sentence, it has a double meaning. I hate Sammy’s ass.
8. I hate my co-worker for calling me, “the biggest asshole that he knows” I hate that I told him, “no that title goes to your mother, I should know because I was pinching quarters and making wishes in her all last night. And my wish came true, YOUR NOT MY SON.”
9. I hate that most comedy comes from a very dark place. My dark place was living without electric for a year… My addiction to not paying bills really had me depressed. You be surprised by the stuff your mind comes up with. i.e The Hate List!
10. I hate the blind man who was crossing in the middle of the street as I was walking towards him. I hate that I thought I saw a cane which indicated to me that he was blind. I hate that the closer I got I realize that what I thought was a cane was actually a stream of pee. I hate that this dude was peeing in the middle of the street. I hate that I am the blind one for mistaken a stream of pee of a blind man’s cane.
Bryan Stewart is...