Venus’ Flytrap

Venus at French OpenOkay, maybe I didn’t have anything else to write about. Maybe I’m tired of writing about serious shit. Maybe I just wanted an excuse to post sexy pictures of the Williams sisters. Most likely, it’s a combination of all those things. Besides, I finally finished Never Too Short to be Cock Blocked by God, a tongue in cheek, illustrated retelling of my complete & utter failure to accomplish my goal to get laid before I turned eighteen; and I’m just not ready to get serious again, yet.

Anyway, if you’ve been hiding in your closet again, or you’re too busy turning your barn in Farmville into a white trash brothel, you may not have heard about the outfit Venus Williams wore during her first match at this year’s French Open.

Now, both of the Williams sisters are known both for their interest in fashion. Venus has her fashion line, EleVen, as does little sister Serena with her line of Aneres apparel. Both are also well known for their forays into the risqué on the court.

Serena in her unforgettable catsuit—2002 U.S. Open

I mean, who can forget Serena’s black lycra catsuit, made famous during her 2002 run in the U.S. Open. Venus had all eyes agog at the recent Australian Open where spectators and photographers alike speculated that she was going commando under her teeny tennis dress, until those with better resolution cameras realized that she was wearing skin-toned skivvies creating the illusion of nudity. Not that the sisters are averse to showing a little skin. Just google “nipple slip” preceded by either sister’s name and see for yourself. You’ll get more than nipples, I’ll tell you that.

So let’s do a LOST style flash forward to this year’s French Open. Of course, Venus is expected to outdo herself. How better to promote her fashion line than to wear her own creations and stir up a little controversy. So what does she come out with? A black lacy, corset-style number with red trim that would look more appropriate on stage at the Moulin Rouge than Roland Garros. Oh, and to complete the look she dons the flesh-toned undies again.Venus bares all 2010 French Open

Venus at the 2010 Australian Open

Apparently, many who were there didn’t hear about the stir Venus created down under—no surprise considering nobody really pays attention to the Australian Open. The word is photographers were getting as low as they could to try and catch a flash of Venus’ flytrap. Granted, they didn’t get much unless they were using their imaginations. Venus, however, got exactly what she wanted, plenty of attention for herself and her fashion line. Her outfit is dominating French Open discussions on the Internet and twitter.

When they first arrived on the scene, I watched the Williams sisters for the same reasons I watched Tiger Woods—to keep up with these young, phenoms that everyone was saying were not only going to cross the color barrier, but blow it wide open. Once the Williams sisters’ game matured, I watched to keep up with family rivalry. No one else was going to beat them, so the best thing was watching the try to beat each other. Now I watch to satiate the dirty old man that lies deep inside me, somewhere, vying to get out.

Venus' FlytrapOnce again, I fail to see what all the fuss is about. I mean, Venus wasn’t really naked under her gear, just giving us the illusion of nudity. I’m more vexed with the photographers willing to shoot upskirt pictures. The AP wasn’t going to buy them. I suppose, had she truly gone commando, they would have sold them to the highest bidder. The dress itself fails, not because it’s too skimpy, but because it looks so out of place on a tennis court. I get it. Venus wants to be an iconoclast, breaking the rules of what can be considered athletic. She did that. But that’s all she did, other than giving everyone a good show. But hey, that’s more than enough for me.

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