The Most Hated

The Hate List: The 10 Rules of Cheating. Pt1

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tiger-woods-cheating

Today’s Hate List does not reflect the views and opinions of anyone at The Urban Twist. But I will say that some of these bastards around here may need to follow these rules… The 10 Rules of Cheating. I hate that many people choose to cheat on their better of half. I hate that they fail to realize that like anything in life “Cheating” is an art. The art form of cheating is something that must be done gracefully, causally, and intelligently.  Here are The first 5 rules of cheating

  1. Never Sh!t Where You Sleep:  There is no recklessness allow when cheating.  You have to know your situation and know the consequences of your actions. Many dumbass people bring their reckless behavior to their homes. This is the worst thing that one can do when cheating. As much as you think that your home is a controlled environment, it is not.  Think of if it as a battle ground state during an election. Once you step foot in that house with your cheating partner, you both have now put your lives at risk. How many times have you heard someone or been part of getting caught because you or that person did not think that their better half was coming home anytime soon. Piss poor move your behalf. Victims of cheating are more likely to harm someone when they discover their mate being unfaithful in their bed. No pun intended but gets a room and pay with one of those prepaid debit cards that they sell at a convenient store.
  2. Keep Your Feelings in Place: One of the main things that get damn near everyone caught up is the fact that lines are crossed. Understand by cheating you already crossed the ultimate line, but when you part take the emotional rollercoaster of loving more than one person, you are prone to have numerous missteps. Never fall in love with your piece on the side.
  3. Remember Who You Are: We have a tendency to change when we are indulging in affairs of the heart. We start doing thing that are abnormal like: leaving the room to talk on the phone; erasing computer history; protecting our phones like it is a treasure in one to those Indiana Jones Movies; keeping your phone on vibrate; constantly looking at the number on your phone and not answering-but you pretend like it is your friend who you do not want to talk to; buying new underwear (sexy underwear); and guys do this dumbsh!t, randomly playing the “What If” game (What if I was seeing someone else? What would you do? What if I got somebody pregnant? What would you do?) Avoid all of this by keeping things as they are. It is hard but try as best as possible. p.s The What If game is a clear indicator that you are thinking about cheating or you are cheating.
  4. Trust No 1: Never underestimate the person you are cheating on your spouse with. Your intention can be to just have sex, but your partner’s intention might be to find a spouse. The signs are there. You notice them if you are paying attention to the situation. If the person reveals to you that they have never slept with someone that is a relationship, avoid them. These are the ones that get sh!t twisted. If you find that they want to cuddle after sex, roll the “F” out. If you find that they want to cook for you after sex, leave as soon as possible. At that point you have now subjected yourself to a person that wants love and wants it from you.  Remember cheating is not about love, it is about fantasy, ecstasy and escapism. NO MORE, NO LESS.  [Side note: Choose certain sexual positions that will allow you to avoid being face to face contact. Kissing during sex should be done with your partner only. Kissing is too passionate and can send mix signal to your cheating partner. Kissing is a very sensual act and some people thrive off it.
  5. Protect Yourself: I have heard a number of people tell me that they trust the person that they are cheating on their spouse with: (pause, cough, BULLSH!T). You have to remind yourself that trust is not taken lightly, you can barely trust yourself. So you must care about your safety and the safety of your spouse. There is no worst feeling than to have to come home and tell your partner that someone is pregnant by you or that you are pregnant by someone else. Better yet, there is no worst feeling than having to tell your partner that you have a STD or your partner telling you that they have an STD, but they have not slept with anyone. And they want to know where it came from. Recklessness can get many people sick and continue the spread of STD’s. Protect yourself, this moment of ecstasy can cause a life time of pain. Remember rule 1, never sh!t where you sleep. The feel of a condom feels a whole lot better than a positive test result.

Check me out Next week for Pt. 2 of “The 10 Rules of Cheating”

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Bryan Stewart
Bryan Stewart is...

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