So what’s going on in the world today? Well, I guess that’s my job to cover, so here goes nothin’…
MySpace and Facebook, sittin’ in a tree…
Yes, that’s right. For all 17 of you out there that still use MySpace, you now have a golden opportunity to become socially relevant. Though they have only taken a baby step (adding the “Facebook Connect” feature to MySpace), this is just an early sign of things to come. As a longtime, avid Facebook user, who has never touched ‘YourSpace’ (that’s a pun if I’ve ever seen one), this news is both expected and somewhat concerning. I really hope they keep this as a one-sided integration. I don’t want to be forced to experience my friends’ terrible taste in music every time I go to one of their profiles. Some of my Facebook friends are already on the brink of getting de-friended for their lack of bearable content production, like my friend, Jake.
And if, hypothetically, Facebook allows Jake to set his profile song to “The B-52’s – Loveshack”, which he undoubtedly would do, I will defriend him quicker than Avril Lavigne became irrelevant (very very fast).
Call of Duty: Black Ops… Doing wonders for the ratio
Guys………….Okay… let me rephrase that… Guys who don’t play Call of Duty – Have you noticed a decrease in the magnitude of ‘dude-age’ in your day-to-day life? Have you been enjoying the view at your local bars, now that it is less-obstructed by sausage? Has your average all-of-a-sudden jumped from a 6.5 to a 7.5 for, seemingly, no reason?
Mine has. And here’s why: Every time a new Call of Duty/Medal of Honor/Starcraft/Halo game comes out, there is usually a brief period of time where 30-40% of dudes, worldwide, are completely addicted to these games, to the point where they have no interest in going out to “chase tail” for a few weeks. If you haven’t been able to experience this most recent period of slightly-less-interrupted-promiscuity, you have been missing out. Last weekend I saw a girl that was so desperate to find a guy before the end of the night, that she started hitting on the dude that sells cologne, gum, and cigarettes in the men’s bathroom (it’s KILLING me that I can’t think of (or google) the actual job title for these guys! Bathroom Concierge?) Also, later that night, while unassumingly dancing to a house remix of “La Roux – Bulletproof”, 2 sex-hungry girls, one tall, one short, accosted me on the dance floor. The tall one was riding my femur from the side, like Courtney Love on a mic stand, while the short one attempted to make out with the button fly on my jeans, like Snooki on a cheesesteak. It was awesome.
But now non-Asian dudes are putting down the controllers and this wonderful time in life is coming to an end (Asians beat this game decades ago, and it is now primitive to them)… … … (They’re really good at video games)
That’s right, ladies… these veterans of virtual warfare are on leave now, so get ready for an onslaught of painfully-free drinks, bad conversation, and borderline-inappropriate touching.
The next highly-addictive videogame will probably be out in about three or four months. In the meantime, all us guys can do is survive and try to stay above 6.5 (that rhymed).
Get it twisted,