Dying To Be Beautiful, Dare To Be You

It is often said that the one to point out flaws in others is the one who feels their own inadequacies even more. Self-contempt never stays contained, it seeps out and affects the people around us in our day to day lives.

When was the last time someone told you that it’s o.k to be the real you, whatever that is? Yourself is the only person of value worth being even though society does it’s best to make you think it isn’t. Sadly, today we live in a society that judges everything from people to relationships by its appearances. However, we as individuals decide how important others judgments of our lives are. The strong stand firm in their convictions and beliefs, the weak conform and alter themselves, their lives and beliefs to fit in with the norm. That urge to conform, to fit in, to be one of the “in” crowd is a matter of self-esteem.

It is often said that the one to point out flaws in others is the one who feels their own inadequacies even more. Self-contempt never stays contained, it seeps out and affects the people around us in our day to day lives.

Never have I seen anything as vicious as one woman hell-bent on putting down another. It gets ugly, quick. You would think I’d use kids as the reference points in this because we all know talking about someone is a childish thing, however, it’s worse when it’s grown ups setting this image as acceptable for children. I do understand the plight of the modern day woman however, it is impossible for her to NOT hate herself on some level unless she was taught very early to love herself. Everyday TV, radio, celebrities, and magazines point to what we “should” look like, what we “should” drive and pushes the message that if you don’t look like this or have these things you are less than valuable.

All over the internet, out in the streets, in movies and magazines we see people trying to, as they used to say “keep up with the Jones'” or in this day an age Jay & Bey or Kanye and Kim. One thing I always say is “even if we’re headed to the same destination we have to take our own paths” You can not add value and fulfillment to your life by dressing like your neighbor, by buying a $700 belt you cannot afford or by the same pair of tennis shoe Michael Jordan releases every other month.

Every day I talk to a slew of women online and so many of them absolutely beautiful and absolutely ignorant to the fact. They complain about being 5 lbs overweight, their hair isn’t long enough, they can’t go out because their nails aren’t done. They feel inadequate for the smallest of reasons. If they weren’t comparing themselves to others and listening to what is society’s standard of beauty, they would love themselves more and see themselves as the natural beauties the world sees them as.

Natural beauty is the best thing you can have because it’s all yours. It’s a personal look, a personal style, something you grow into with pride and confidence. It’s something that no one else can duplicate. Yesterday I found Myself having a good deep laugh because I posted a photo online and guys started leaving positive comments and a female came out of the blue and said “but look at her nails” It was hilarious and saddening because when you have to pick apart another person to gain attention or feel better that shows your level of self-esteem. I was rocking natural low cut nails with chipped polish and some people are fooled into thinking that you MUST have your nails perfectly polished or bare at all times.

The beauty of a woman is in the light in her eyes, the curve of her smile, the arch of her brow when she is happy, the heartiness in her laugh. Who is shallow enough to think a woman’s fingernails affect her beauty? Someone disillusioned by what matters in life.

I see teenage girls (sometimes younger) with hundreds of dollars worth of fake hair in their heads, acrylic nails and more make up than Elizabeth Taylor on her best day and I wonder why their parents allow it. I wonder what parent would let a child that young tie their self-esteem and value into something so superficial. The things they later do to maintain this lifestyle are crazy because they’re not taught its o.k. to not have it…. I right now am associated with a young girl, sells her body daily, not buying a house, no car, nope….keeps her nails done, hair done, buys expensive shoes and purses and doesn’t have anything to her name she can’t fit into storage containers. She brags at times about how much clothing she has that she never even wears. It’s a sad state of affairs and a vicious cycle that she doesn’t even realize. All these things you never even wanted just felt you needed to have to take a picture of for the internet.
Dangerous cosmetic surgery has begun to run rampant. In the last 2 years, numerous reports have surfaced of women being critically injured and even dying from botched procedures. Earlier this year Bossip published a gallery of 15 Women Who Died From Butt Implants. Just as recently as June a Maryland woman Kelly Mayhew was a casualty of trying to be ‘beautiful’. Kelly and her mom traveled from Maryland to NYC and allowed an certified plastic surgeon to perform butt implant surgery in their apartment. When she became unresponsive the “Dr.” ran fro the apartment, leaving Kelly’s mother to do CPR and called for help. Sadly this was not Kelly’s first time having similar surgery. I can only imagine this mother’s grief, being there for her final moments yet I have so many questions as to why her mother would support such a thing.

I remember being pregnant years ago, I prayed I didn’t have a daughter because I hadn’t had a mother. I knew there was no way at the time I could teach a girl how to love herself and live right because I hated Myself. Over the years, I’ve come to terms with who I am, what I look like and have assessed My best qualities and the worst. It took Me years, wigs, braids, and even therapy to get me to look at the real Me and see that I was the same person under the wig without the wig. That no matter what My hair looked like I was gorgeous, I’m a beautiful woman. It took for Me to judge Me based on My standards of what is beautiful and not what society said. It meant not wanting to look like someone else or trying to be something I wasn’t but by embracing who and what I was and being confident. After all confidence is the best accessory a girl can have and she should wear it every day

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