A little more than a decade or so ago, I was in a relationship with a man I really cared for. He was kind, funny and handsome. We grew close and after a few months, he had a key to my home.
We spent every weekend together, and we texted nonstop when we weren’t together. I was very happy in our relationship. The thing is—he didn’t consider it a relationship.
Not only had he not given me a key to his home, I didn’t know where he lived. I never met his family; he never took me on dates. And even our mutual friends were unaware we were seeing each other.
Our entire relationship took place in my home, specifically my bedroom. It was then I realized that although he found me attractive, he was more concerned about my size, and what others think of my size.
He certainly had no issues posing for pictures with thinner women, taking them on vacations, and allowing them to meet his family.
I’m intelligent. I had a career. I had my home, and fuck, I’m gorgeous. Hello?
There wasn’t a single reason that man shouldn’t have been proud to call me his girlfriend in public. After a year, I grew tired. I had never experienced that sort of half-assed relationship. It was a first and thankfully the last.
As a proud member of team thick thighs, I have never had issues with my body. And my size has never prevented me from living a full life. I have always been gainfully employed, I’ve always had great friendships and relationships, and I’ve always had a fulfilling sex life. So, when I realized my size was the reason that kept my former beau from taking our relationship public, I ended it. No confrontation, no explanation. I simply moved on. But, to this day he’s still in all my inboxes.
And it isn’t just him. I’m a happily married woman, but my inbox is filled with messages from fatphobic men who want to have sex with me. Men who dehumanize fat women and reduce us to a number on a scale, but still want to fuck us.
Fat women experience violence and discrimination in all aspects of our personal and professional lives. We are the butt of jokes and told way too often how undesirable we are, yet men won’t leave us alone.
They believe it’s acceptable to fetishize and use us for their pleasure. Men who body shame, and have little interest in hiding their fatphobia on social media, are always in my fat ass inboxes and DMs. They post memes and images of their ideal woman and ideal body type, but always want some private sessions with fat women.
From Instagram to Facebook my inboxes are filled with unsolicited dick pics from men who claim they have no in interest in fat women. They like us thick. They like our asses. They even like our jiggly, wiggly thighs. But for some reason, they can’t be bothered to form healthy relationships and attachments with us. They are unwilling to publicly admit their adoration for the muffin tops, cellulite and sagging breasts they can’t keep your hands of off in bed.
And don’t come at me with the ‘’it’s just a preference’’ nonsense. It’s so much deeper. It’s much more dangerous. We are humans, and not secrets to be kept. We deserve rich, full relationships. Fatphobia is insidious. If you prefer other body types, then leave us alone. We have to carry that shame that you project onto us. And it isn’t fair. I am comfortable in my skin, and I have learned to love all of me, but, it takes one ”I normally don’t like fat girls…” to remind me how most of the world views us, fat women. And who could ever blame us?
I will always protect and defend us fat women because you ashy, inconsiderate, with nothing to offer but secret dick, assholes, are not entitled to our bodies. You are not entitled to fill our inboxes with hope, disappointment, and dick. You are not allowed to abuse, use, fetishize and demoralize fat women.
So, if you’re not willing to eat with us in public, you’re not allowed to eat us out behind closed doors. Stay the fuck out of our DMs.
Creighton Leigh is curious amalgam of failure, fear, hope, dreams and perseverance. She's a wife, mother and writer who loves olives and cheese. She's an avid collector of salty tears. In her spare time she enjoys dismantling the cis heteronormative patriarchy.She's Senior Editor for SimoneDigital.com