Millennials are used to hearing comparisons between every generation that came before and how we come up short: how we need a pat on the back to get out of bed, how our work ethic is non-existent, and how the first thing we’d grab in a fire is our selfie stick. Now that we’re no longer the newest generation on the block, we’re looking down at who’s next lowest in the pecking order and guess what: it’s Gen Z. Sure, Millenials have their challenges, (increased wages matching inflation and rising costs of living, you say?), but at least it’s finally our turn to wag a finger at the youngsters. It’s trickle-down shadeanomics, and Generation Z is our target.
Our Cartoons Were Better
Our cartoons at least pretended to have a moral while selling us the newest lineup of action figures. Your cartoons have lost the pretense and a bit of the innocence too.
Gen Z has No Fashion Focus
As Millennials, we weren’t exactly fashionistas, but at least we had a distinct style. You guys look like some strange fifties-eighties mashup while totally disregarding the conservatism of either.
We’re Loyal to our Brands
As much as Mao’s ten-point plan has gained sympathy with many Millennials, we’re good little capitalists concerning our favorite peripherals. If Millennials love Macs, they have an apple monogrammed on their pajamas. In contrast, Generation Z has no brand loyalty. People are playing their favorite games alongside people on competing platforms? What will you share next, toothbrushes?
We’re Better Drivers
When it comes to multitasking, Generation Z wins. They can simultaneously smash enemies on Fortnite, upload their latest lookbook, watch a video on stream, and hold an intense group conversation in chat. But can they drive without doing any of these things? Not so much. Gen Z drivers are inexperienced and distracted—a combination of two of the most common causes for accidents. Yeah, a few Millennials are sometimes guilty of distracted driving. But for Generation Z, driving is the distraction.
If Millennials are Snowflakes, Gen Z is a Blizzard
They say that Millennials are sensitive, but they have no idea. Generation Z has no chill. The outrage is outrageous. Our elders can’t tell us apart, and you guys are making us look insane.
All is Not Lost
For any Zers reading along, don’t let these comparisons leave you feeling triggered. We’re new at being the grumpy naysayers. The truth is, we have more in common than either generation would readily admit. We love you, and don’t worry; soon, you’ll have a generation next to leave you equally mystified and full of lighthearted rebukes.
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