After a two-week vacation, Stephen Colbert returned to late night on Monday, looking comfortable and rejuvenated. It wasn’t, though, from inhaling the salty sea air on Martha’s Vineyard. Colbert reeled through the laundry list of challenges we’re dealing with—and the most important subject people have been worrying about while disconnected from the daily news cycle—recapping all the news he had missed while unplugged from the daily news cycle.
“There’s a fourth wave of coronavirus, we just got a global warming red alert for humanity, there are wildfires consuming Northern California and Greece. So naturally, there’s one question on everyone’s mind: Did I go to Barack Obama’s birthday party?”
The short answer: No, he did not.
Though he was originally invited to fete the former POTUS, Colbert admitted that when the Obamas decided to massively scale back the guest list to just their few hundred closest friends and family members, he “got massively scaled.” What was more amusing to Colbert was that “the news that I didn’t go might be news to some people in the news.” As he explained:
“The Boston Herald reported the guests included ‘late-night host Stephen Colbert and his wife, Evelyn… who also own property there.’ Which leads to the question: ‘So Steve, what’s your house like on Martha’s Vineyard?’ I have no idea. Boston Herald, could you please send me the address and the keys and maybe the alarm code, because I’d love to stay there someday. I don’t own a house on Martha’s Vineyard.”
Colbert went on to say that the mix-up — at least in terms of him attending the party — was most likely caused by the fact that they had been invited and had booked a nonrefundable ticket and hotel. So, despite being a member of Obama’s B-team, they took advantage of the already-paid vacation.
According to Colbert, the lesson of the story is: “It just goes to show, kids, that you can get disinvited from the cool kids party if you work hard, put in your time, and become the number one late-night television show.” He isn’t, however, resentful. “It will be my 60th birthday in three years,” he remarked. “And you, sir… will not want to miss it. Please join us! If you are able to do so, I would be quite grateful. To make place for you and Michelle, I’ll reduce my size.”