Having a newborn changes everything, including your relationship with your spouse. Sleepless nights, changes in a partner’s work situation, and new financial challenges can all expose couples to stress levels they never imagined. Those who once fantasized about a romantic night out together now dream of getting a good night’s sleep and aspects such as jealousy (because newborn commands so much attention) can change partner dynamics. For couples who wouldn’t dream of a life without the pitter-patter of tiny feet, the question remains: do kids enhance or hamper relationships in the long term, and what can couples do to ensure they continue to value each other as well as their kids?
A Groundbreaking Study by E.E. LeMasters
The idea that children can pose a challenge to marriages hails back to an oft-cited 1957 study by E.E. LeMasters. This piece of research revealed that for around 83% of couples the arrival of a baby to the household heralds a marital crisis. In general, romantic feelings are reduced, sleep deprivation takes its toll on the libido, and one partner can feel left out if the other partner takes on a stronger parenting role (for instance, if they stop working temporarily, reduce their working hours, or decide to become stay-at-home parents). Are these effects necessarily permanent and what do subsequent studies have to say on the matter?
Married Couples, Children, and Happiness
A 2009 study published in the Journal of Happiness showed that having children improves married folks’ life satisfaction and this happiness factor grows with every additional child. However, this study mainly focuses on the happiness quotient of married parents vs unmarried ones. With respect to how the arrival of babies affects relationships, findings have not changed too much over the years. One thing we do know, however, are the sources of dissatisfaction. Keeping romance, passion, and love alive, is a matter of taking a proactive stance to maintain marriage quality.
Being Involved
One of the hardest things for couples to come to terms with is changing roles: relating to one’s lover and partner as a mother or father. This adaptation can be more difficult when one parent spends more time with the new baby and begins to make all the decisions. Couples can battle this source of conflict by setting time aside to decide a bevy of baby- and non-baby-related matters. Something as simple as the decoration of the baby’s nursery can become a fun task that can unite parents if they undertake it together. It can be loads of fun to decide on whether or not to create a traditional baby boy/baby girl or gender-neutral nursery and checking out trends is another fun activity couples can immerse themselves in. From vintage decorative motifs to Harry Potter-inspired paraphernalia, floral prints to elegant neutrals, nursery themes, symbols, and styles can all form part of a project that enables couples to work as a team.
Making Time for Romance
As difficult as it can be to leave their baby even for a few hours, couples need to rely on friends, family, and trusted professionals to occasionally take charge of baby caring duties. Doing so enables them to enjoy time together doing the things that brought them together before their baby was born. From dining out to taking part in sporting activities, couples should pencil in “adult time” so their value as a couple is reaffirmed.
Research indicates that a new baby can cause stress to new parents and, therefore, affect the quality of their relationships. Poor quality and low quantity sleep, big life changes, and jealousy can all creep in the way of happiness. To boost the quality of your relationship, rely on the support of loved ones so you can rest and enjoy quality time with your partner. Ensure that both of you are involved in major and fun decisions alike so it feels like you are now a team of three.
