It’s been scientifically proven that everyone on planet Earth currently has a Facebook account. Now of course I’m being facetious, but if you don’t have a Facebook account, chances are you know someone who knows someone who’s on Facebook.
I’ve been a member since 2009 and by my observation; it definitely has its positives and its negatives. In my six years , I’ve noticed that members have a tendency to take happenings on Facebook entirely too seriously. We should all bear in mind that Facebook, being the powerhouse that it is, still remains nothing more than a social networking site. I repeat: SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE, like so many social networks of its kind, 90% of the people that you add as “friends” are far from it.
Disagree? A friend, by definition is someone who is emotionally close; someone who trusts or is fond of you. This 90 % on your friends list is compiled of people from your past, your present and they are future prospects who desire access to your pictures, personal information and status updates.
IT’S NOTHING PERSONAL, they can only gain entry through your acceptance of their request. Much of the interaction with your network will be incredibly generic, “on the surface” and even synthetic at times. With the purpose of restoring some order and providing some much needed clarity to the masses, I have compiled the “Ten Crack Commandments” (as Biggie would say) of Facebooking.
These commandments will aid you in keeping your blood pressure at a regulated level and in taking life on the book a little less seriously.
For Pete’s sake, IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK!!!
IT’S JUST FACEBOOK!!
(1) Hey ladies! If you consider yourself to be attractive and even remotely intelligent and a guy deletes you from his friends list for no apparent reason; don’t get bent out of shape, Ma’! His girlfriend or wife is most likely the culprit anyway. IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK!!
(2) If a “friend” blocks you from viewing their profile and status updates, but remains on your friends list , DO NOT BE OFFENDED!! You probably weren’t as close to them as you thought you were. There’s also the possibility that you just run your mouth too darn much, so they blocked you because they didn’t have the guts to delete you, okay? And after all, IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK!!
(3) Everyone who posts a Biblical scripture or claims to be “praying in the spirit” in their status update ain’t committed to Christ and everyone whose relationship status is listed as “married” ain’t committed to their spouse. IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK you guys , and it just looks good on the page!! And for the record, if you’re Facebooking, you are NOT praying in the natural or the spirit! YOU’RE FACEBOOKING!! Can we please just keep it 100 ?
(4) And while we’re on the subject of morality, I’ve got to speak to my guys out there ! Men, I implore you, PLEASE bear in mind, OBJECTS IN A PROFILE PIC MAY BE FATTER, DARKER and or UGLIER THAN THEY APPEAR!! Proceed with caution cause they’re catfishing everybody out here !! IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK!! (And don’t say you haven’t been warned.)
(5) In the event that you are DELETED from someone’s friends list, assume NOTHING!! There are countless reasons that could have caused them to do so. I implore you to CALM DOWN. People are dropped daily and it’s completely normal!! It isn’t like they are deleting your name from the Lamb’s Book of Life!! Refrain from going postal on them in the Wal-Mart parking lot; it’s okay, America IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK!!
(6) EVERYONE’s status updates are grossly inflated! I repeat: EVERYONE’s status updates are grossly inflated, IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK!! Do not fall victim to the intensity of everything you read!! Trust me, status stunting is alive and well.
(7) If you are under the age of 21 or over the age of 51, get your “assets” OFF OF FACEBOOK!! 80% of this article is directed specifically at people who fall within your age demographic. Teens think that it’s a reality show and those who are advanced in years oftentimes take much of what they see on the book to be literal and factual and it blows their minds away. Darn shame too, because: IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK!!
(8) You post an event. There are 5 ,000 people “attending” and 1,000 people are “interested in attending”. Expect to actually see about 25 of your “attending” friends and 5 of your “ interested in attending” friends at said event; and that’s being enormously generous . Now don’t get all in your feelings when only a fraction of your “friends” show up because: IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK!! (Everyone wants to appear as if they are coming to the really big event, but in reality they are all broke and sitting at home in their bathrobes.)
(9) If you catch yourself saying “OMG, I can’t believe she/he joined that group and or page!” Dude! Revert back to chill mode! Trust me, they just want the inbox updates and may have possibly even clicked the “like” button before they even knew it. Come on now, say it with me you guys: IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK!!
(10) And again for my ladies, if your elevated level of self confidence stems solely from the comments that you receive from your “friends ” beneath your pictures on tha book; FIND AN ADDITIONAL SOURCE!! We all feel compelled to compliment each other on each our pic’s . Maybe subconsciously it’s the humanity in us. The dilemma we face is in trying to decipher between the sincere comments and those that fall into the sarcastic and or disingenuous category. I mean, do you really expect someone to post “Dang! You look like total crap on this picture!” or “Take that hot pink and yellow polka-dotted dress off IMMEDIATELY! The fashion police have already been alerted !” Seriously, can you imagine one of your “friends” commenting “Okay, now how am I supposed to un-see this?!” LOL! As I stated in paragraph one: “Much of the interaction with your network will be incredibly generic, “on the surface” and even synthetic at times” because IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK!!
(11) And finally, since I’m being so generous with all of my non-solicited advice, LOL! Here’s a bonus for you all to be mindful of… IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK, not “Dr. Phil”! All of you emotionally driven individuals who impulsively air your dirty laundry, one day and appear to have it all together the next appear to be so bipolar! Granted, it can be entertaining at times, none of us are capable of “Fixing your Life”! That’s what Iyanla is for. For the love of God, keep that over there! IT’S ONLY FACEBOOK!
I pray these commandments have shed some much needed light on the TRUTH behind social networking for all of you and the truth shall set you free from going ham on your fellow network members. Granted, you may not be able to relate to all ten commandments; but the longer you stay connected to tha book, the more likely you are to give a heartfelt “AMEN” to them all!! Happy Facebooking everyone !
