In the last few days I’ve gotten a slew of hate mail and messages via social media calling me racist and the like. There are some Black people mad at me for daring to besmirch the name of Serena Williams, there are people of mixed heritage and with biracial children who feel some kind of way about my opinions and have let me know it. I never thought that so many people would have a problem with me advocating for the preservation of my own culture.
I’m a very introspective person so when multiple people have a problem with what I said, I reflect upon it. I look at what was said, if I feel it holds weight, the other person’s viewpoint and try to understand things from their angle as well.
I get the feeling that people think I’m supposed to be loyal to what they are loyal to, I have to pick something to stand for right? It must be politically correct, right? Wrong. No, I must be authentic and true to myself. I tried to figure out where my loyalty lies. I’m “Black” right, so I should never talk down on Black people, even when I am in disgust of their behavior? I am American right, so I should “appreciate” all of the great things about being born in this great free country, especially at a time when we have so much “freedom” as a race and culture.
My loyalty lies with my ancestors and respect for the culture they worked so hard to preserve. Period.
I notice that a lot of the hate mail I’ve been getting is from people who live in other countries, where the color of my skin would not have been such a burden nor barrier. International people take offense when I talk about “white” people not even understanding that what I say in NO WAY reflects upon them, they aren’t white.
Let’s be very clear If you were born in any country other than the United States, I don’t consider you “white”. I’m very intelligent and think, study and can relate on a global level. Only in America do “Black” or “white” people exist.
How can I be loyal to America, it’s culture, traditions or values when I’m not even viewed as “American” within my own country. If I were born with My skin tone in France, I’d be French, England, I’d be British. If I were born with this skin tone in British Columbia I’d be Canadian. If I were born with this skin tone on any island, I’d be considered that nationality. As I’ve said in previous writings, only in America am I classified by the color of my skin. Black is not a nationality, neither is white.
International readers don’t have a clue what it’s like to be Black in America, to be American period. Hell, to 99% of us, America is like an abusive parent who never planned for its offspring to actually grow up and have a life. America says you will work hard to take care of and protect me, whether voluntarily or involuntarily until one of us dies or I will throw you in jail.
I’m neither Black nor American, I’m a displaced person who does not know their original nationality nor name, in a country that never wanted me to begin with. I come from a people who were transported to work and build up this “great land” and expected to be worked into death and destruction. I know longer even have any sense of what tribe I originally belonged to.
Black is a word, in some sense, a color and this word has a meaning in the standard American Webster dictionary. We have become a politically correct society so of course they’ve added things like “African descent” and “dark pigmentation” as the top definitions, but let’s look a little further down the list. These things at one point were the number one and only definitions for “Black”.
- · 4 : dirty, soiled hands black with grime
- 5a : characterized by the absence of light a black nightb : reflecting or transmitting little or no light black waterc : served without milk or cream black coffee
- 6a : thoroughly sinister or evil : wicked a black deedb : indicative of condemnation or discredit got a black mark for being late
- 7 : connected with or invoking the supernatural and especially the devil black magic the black arts
- 8a : very sad, gloomy, or calamitous black despairb : marked by the occurrence of disaster black Friday
- 9 : characterized by hostility or angry discontent : sullen
Let me understand this clearly, Black = dark, wicked, sinister, gloomy, marked by disaster, evil, condemnation, dirty, soiled
Hmmm, well what does white mean?
- c [from the former stereotypical association of good character with northern European descent] : marked by upright fairness that’s mighty white of you
- 3 : free from spot or blemish: such asa (1) : free from moral impurity : innocent (2) : marked by the wearing of white by the woman as a symbol of purity a white weddingb : unmarked by writing or printingc : not intended to cause harm a white lie white magicd : favorable, fortunate
White = good character, upright fairness, free from blemish, free from moral impunity, purity, not intending to cause harm, favorable, fortunate.
Only in America, I’m a writer, words have meaning.
Definition of American
- 1 : an American Indian of North America or South America
- 2 : a native or inhabitant of North America or South America
- 3 : a native or inhabitant of the U.S. : a U.S. citizen
Why do I have to check a box that says “Black” on everything. I was born here, shouldn’t I be deemed American.
From the standard dictionary, I glean that I am to question my American heritage and embrace the fact that I am Black or dark, wicked and evil. There are American born in this country who can’t get a birth certificate, people who filled out the paperwork to officially become American who are now terrified of their security. Don’t believe Me? Watch Norman Lear’s America Divided on HULU.
I find it hard to be loyal to these labels, what I can be loyal to is my people, my ancestors.
American born Black people who date outside their race depress me. We “Black” people come from a race of people who were kidnapped from their homes, taken to a new land they did not understand and yet they prevailed. They were not destroyed no matter how they were tested, through every obstacle, through every hardship; segregation, denigration, separation, we have continued to survive and thrive and contribute to this great nation that never planned for us to be anything more than worker bees.
We are the ancestors of a people so strong that they are now trying to wipe the stories of slavery from the history books because they don’t want us to realize the strength and power that is within us. That’s the people I come from, who have that kind of strength, who would not let their people be erased, who would not let their people be discarded. These strong people who wouldn’t let our race be destroyed are probably turning over in their graves as they watch you happily, proudly degrade us, destroy us and help them make us disappear as they’ve always intended.
I flash back to the great Alex Haley movie, Roots, and remember the scene where the overseer hung Kunta Kinte and beat him, trying to force him to say his name was Toby. Kunta took lash after lash, insisting his name was Kunta Kinte. He refused to throw away his heritage and adopt the oppressors name. The Kunta Kintes of the world, that’s who My allegiance is too.
The unification of the American Blacks is their greatest fear, it always has been. When we integrated, we gave up our communities for a seat at their table.
See people want to yell racism, I am not racist. I have no problem co existing with any other race, seeing anyone walk down streets I’m on, shopping where I shop, sharing a space with me, a home with me. You never hear me scream how all people of other races are bad. NO. I have ONE argument against those helping destroy this race of my own, that we do not have to have mixed race offspring. That one issue, and no matter what name you call me, I know that doesn’t make me racist.
Prejudiced? Yes! I have my pre-conceived notions about something very particular. We all have our prejudices. I don’t have a problem being friends with any one, I do have a problem with us making babies that are born into a life of confusion, a life of not belonging. I see nothing wrong with trying to preserve a race and culture that is dying out daily as we blend.
To be born with Black skin in America is to not belong, to add being biracial to that, it’s like sentencing your child to a life sentence of ambiguity. You’re putting them in situation no child should have to put up with. I hear stories daily of people who grew up in interracial families traumatized because of the things that were said to them growing up and even into adulthood because they were racially ambiguous, or because people found out they were mixed.
It’s hard enough being a dark skin “Black” person in America, you add a new dynamic when you add being biracial.
I wrote an article last week about the new Miss Black Texas University- Austin. After her win, she and the sorority she represented, received a massive amount of criticism and backlash. Why? She appears to be very pale. A lot of people were mad she won, quite a few people voiced the opinion that she was not even Black.
Some people made a very valid point that had there been a biracial pageant, that not one of the Black women who competed against her, could have won. That leads them to question how a biracial woman won a contest for Black women. When you’re biracial, you come in with features that are not like the others. This woman had naturally, long straight hair, light eyes, pale skin and European features.
She’s the only one who didn’t look like the other “Black” women. So when she won, that implicated to many, that like many, they prefer their Black women, white looking.
Understand it’s not that people hate other races that they point these things out, but there are people like me, who are baffled, by the people inside of this race who do all they can to white wash the image of it.
There are people who are actually angry about what the integration and racial mixing did to the Black community as a whole. We can’t rebuild and reconstruct our own communities when so many of us want to and have, integrated into other cultures so deeply.
Every other culture in America has something to call their own. The Asian community is strong, the stay within their own and so does their money, they don’t shop with us, they don’t marry within our culture (often). The Latino community, the same way, you can find bodegas and Latino communities in every major city. Their money circulates within and their community and culture stays strong, It’s common to find Little Italy, Greek town and other culturally rich areas everywhere.
Blacks have the hood….we have nowhere to circulate our own money. because we don’t even own the stores in our “hood” White America and the other cultures who have made America home aren’t shopping with us and we aren’t building and supporting our own, so we shop with them.
My original issue with Serena Williams being pregnant with a mixed race baby was “there goes another person passing their Black generational wealth to another culture”. Again, I don’t hate the woman, her fiancée or the baby. I hate the idea that it’s happening again, it sucks to see the Black money being passed on to a non Black again.
I hurt for the community as a unit and the future generations. We have the only cultural community that is not thriving and supporting itself as a whole.
People say but biracial people fight and work just as hard for the Black community, you’re probably right. Their loyalty will never be trusted though by most, it sucks but to many, they’ll never be Black nor white enough. They say what about Obama? I loved him as a person, as a president, eh…
I know one thing, when Bush was president, it wasn’t kill a ni$#a season on t.v or Facebook live every week. Not that I’m advocating for Bush, I’m just saying, a biracial president didn’t help us much. Everyone acted like the world was going to change.
Everyone wants me to be loyal and I keep trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be loyal to. My locality is to the preservation of the history and culture of the people I grew up admiring, the ancestors. My loyalty is to My son’s future. I want him to grow up seeing people that look like him, celebrating traditional holidays.
I don’t know who people want me to cater my writing to, the international readers who don’t get it, the Black race who is lost as hell or towards Americans, and be a good little assimilated Black girl.
I’m just going to be authentic, I’m going to speak my truths. If we mix with every other race, who will be left to tell our stories and carry on our traditions? Whoever gets it’ gets it. Whoever doesn’t, doesn’t.
Thinker, Avid Reader, Couch Potato. Sapphire Hill is a writer from Baltimore Maryland who loves to delve deeper into the whys of everything. Staff writer for 86 Blvd and Badd Magazine. Blogger and talent promoter for Sapphire Spotlight On Talent.