Stacking the Deck

Kat StacksWho is Kat Stacks? To be honest, I’d never even heard the name until it floated into my Twittersphere last week. It was some retweet talking about how she was putting Lil Twist on blast about his teeny, little twist that caught my attention.

Now, I generally don’t keep up with contemporary rap artists. Having been around for the birth of hip hop, I’m what most would consider old school. The contemporary artists I do listen to would be considered underground, like Mos Def, or groups that don’t mind stretching the artistic envelope, like OutKast. I find most of the commercial stuff that comes out nowadays mediocre or worse, a bunch of wannabe rock stars with little flow and half-wit rhymes about money, sex and violence over a funky beat with a catchy hook. Most of them produce a hit or two before fading forever into obscurity.

But I was bored that night, and I liked her twitpic, so I decided to check Miss Stacks out.

I went to her official website and read her biography. I immediately sympathized with her. In her bio she talks about her troubled childhood, running away from home at fifteen, getting knocked up, hooking up with hustlers that beat her ass and so forth. She reminded me of my mother who had run away from home at that age and suffered through some of the same shit.

Kat’s path, according to her own site, led her to becoming a stripper and a high-priced call girl. It is in this line of work that she was able to meet some of the biggest names in Hip Hop today, and she generally doesn’t have very nice things to say. She uses her website, YouTube and Twitter account to reveal things like Lil Twist’s undersized sex organ or how currently incarcerated Lil Wayne lives it up while the rest of his Young Money crew, including the aforementioned Lil Twist, all share a place smaller than hers. Apparently, she’s screwed all of Young Money, albeit not all at once.

One of her stories talks about meeting T Pain:

After I got off stage I went & sat on his lap & he bought me shot after shot of Hennessy, later on he finally he decided convo was over & it was time to get to business, he bought a private Champagne room for 3 hours & we agreed on a deal that each hour he was gonna pay me $960.00 which I asked for $2,880 in advance. The first hour I gave him head with a condom on I was very tipsy but I do kinda remember it was big & he came in about a minute & a half, we just stayed talking & I was giving him a lap dance while drinking some more Moet which was included in the VIP room. When his dick got hard again from my naked dancing, I put a condom on & tried to climb on top it was very uncomfortable sense he has an over weight belly, he was squeezing my waist hard & licking my neck moaning like a bitch and about half an hour later he finally came. He was worn out so for the last hour we just drank & talked shit & he called another dancer in the room to dance for both us while I drank the rest of the Hennessy Shots & Moet when time was up he gave me a $200.00 tip. [sic]

Okay, so the girl could do with a remedial English class, but if you want the straight dope on how today’s crop of rappers waste their money on liquor & whores, Kat Stacks has got the goods, right? Maybe not.

It turns out there might more than meets the eye here. After a few days of being inundated with her tweets and retweets, I began to get a little suspicious. When she put Aaron Carter, Backstreet Boy Nick Carter’s baby brother, on blast about being gay but talked about licking one of her protégés’ pussies in the same breath, I began to smell the hypocrisy. I did two things. I stopped following Kat Stacks, and I started doing a little research. My research turned up something interesting. A few weeks ago someone who claims to have hacked into Miss Stacks email account says he was able to obtain proof that Kat Stacks was not trying to expose the game at all. On the contrary, she was part of the game.

If this source is to be believed, along with paying Kat to ride their disco sticks they also pay her to keep their name out in the public psyche. Could it be true? Would you let some hooker sully your name and your junk just to keep your name out there? I suppose if the one person in my crew with a recognizable name and credibility was locked up I would be desperate enough to pay someone to badmouth me. After all, we live in an era where there is no such thing as bad publicity.

And it seems to be working. The fans zealously defend their celebrities and hate on Kat. The controversy helps Kat build her own fan base of celebrity haters, girls in the industry and other women who want to be thought of as more than just a trick. Everybody wins, right?

That remains to be seen. I think we are still in the early stages of the Age of the Mistress. The only thing you need to do to get famous is to fuck somebody who’s already famous and wait for it to leak out, or leak it yourself. But for how long? How many of Tiger’s girls do you remember by name? I don’t remember any, yet. There’s Michelle Bombshell McGee, one of the chicks Jesse James stepped out on Sandra Bullock with, but her name is hard to forget. Ashley Dupre, the one time high-priced escort that former New York governor Eliot Spitzer fancied was able to turn her tricks into a sex column for the New York Post and will grace the cover of the May issue of Playboy. But I have to admit when I saw the headline it took me a minute to remember who she was. And she’s one of my friends on MySpace!

The truth of the matter is this. You can’t screw your way to the top. You can only ride someone’s dick to maybe the halfway point. After that, you better have something interesting to offer the rest of us. I hope Kat Stacks is saving whatever money she’s making because it only took me three days to get bored of her. I imagine it won’t be long before everyone else gets bored of her, too.

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