Jay-Z has been relatively quiet with reference to his “alleged” extramarital affairs. Until now. According to various websites including Bossip, Jigga speaks, through his music, about his fear of almost losing his family, his arrogance regarding his disceptive behavior and what Beyonce means to him.
He is being accountable for being a fucked up husband to his wife while being watched by the world. Yes, it will sell records but it will also bring Jay-Z under public scrutiny.
I’m not necessarily empathetic to the reactions and talk which his admission will elicit. This, simply, paints him in the “ain’t shit” light we’ve known already existed. He is just, openly, coming clean about it.
There are those folks that will feel like this is something that should stay between him and Bey. I don’t share that sentiment.
He, openly, disrespected and humiliated her even and it seemed that like everybody was abuzz with gossip and opinions. Even “Becky with the good hair” tried to throw shade at Queen Bey but the Beyhive tore that wench a new ass. CACKLING
Beyonce, never, addressed the indiscretions directly. However, Mrs. Carter released a cathartic album which delved into the pain of being betrayed by a man.
Now, I’m not here to speak on what Beyonce should have done with reference to HER marriage. Everybody has their dealbreaker. Jay-Z, I’m sure has paid the piper many times over.
I CAN speak on accountability. I’ve had an extensive conversation with MY own cheating husband about this very subject. My anger wasn’t directed at Tuna so much as my husband’s deception. So as much as I had been like, “Fuck her, too!” , my husband’s inability to be accountable for what he did was my pain point.
We, often, speak about accountability in a billowy, abstract manner. We speak about it like it gives the best fucking high on Earth. Be accountable. It’ll make you feel good.
All of that is bullshit. Accountability isn’t designed to be the “quicker picker upper”. In fact, when people are sincerely accountable for the trangressions they’ve committed against their loved ones- they should feel shitty as hell. I’m talking about tossing and turning, can’t sleep, soul hurts from the inside out type of shitty.
I have discovered that people will apologize not because they are truly sorry for what they’ve done. They apologize so the injured party can stop being angry at them. Even though said anger is, rightfully, deserved and earned. It is still about THEM and what they need. It’s the reason why I don’t accept my husband’s many apologies.
Naw, papito! You may be sorry but I don’t care. I’m not here to make you feel better.
The real goal of being accountable is to sit in your shit regardless if the person chooses to leave or not. Yes. Marinate in the chaos and damage which that infidelity caused. This is not about an opportunity for redemption. It’s about becoming a better person by making better choices. It’s about being self-aware of what’s at stake when bad decisions are made.
I believe Jay-Z is learning that. My husband? I’m not so sure but I hope so.
Another aspect of accountability in marriage and relationships is offering full disclosure. Speak to what you did. Come clean about the shit you wouldn’t normally say out loud. That’s major!
Whatever was done wrong publicly, make it right publicly. It says a lot about a person’s character when he/she can say to the world, “Hey. I fucked up a good thing. This person didn’t receive my best and that’s not cool. I am not worthy of this person but if given another opportunity, I will spend my days making it up to this person!”
This in no way guarantees that the affected person will forgive, forget, stay or want to hear any part of what’s being said. But it’s what needs to be done if accountability is the goal.
Jay-Z, obviously, knows that he is better with Bey than without her and is willing to put it all on the line….
And make a few coins while he’s at it.
Well-played, Hov… Well-played!
K. Araújo, a native Detroiter, is a cross between Claire Huxtable, Rosie Pérez and Millie Jackson. Widow, bruja, Oni Yemaya, palera, professional dragger of filth and Mami to the dopest Ethiopian EVER, she is the Editor in Chief of “Negra With Tumbao”, Staff Writer for “The Urban Twist” and a freelance contributor for major publications like The Root, VSB, Huffington Post, My Brown Baby and The Glow Up. She has been known to shake what her mama gave her, is the hell and high water, an expert salsera and cussologist with a penchant for the finer things in life and is and forever shall be- unapologetically black.